6 Tips to Make Difficult Phone Calls Home More Manageable
While calling home about an in-school incident is never fun, these tips can help make the conversations more effective and efficient.
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Go to My Saved Content.I may have found the one thing both new and experienced educators can agree on: Making phone calls home is not always fun. As a former special education teacher of 21 years, I鈥檝e had to make my fair share of calls, and luckily I鈥檝e learned a few strategies along the way. These six tips for parent phone calls have helped me not only have better conversations but start each call with confidence.
1. Start off with the key phrase 鈥楾hey鈥檙e safe鈥
When a parent or guardian sees a call coming in from the school, their first instinct is often to wonder if their child is hurt. Start the call easing this concern by explicitly saying that the child is safe. Not only does this ease concerns, but also it gets the parent or guardian in the mindset that you are approaching this call from a point of care, even if you aren鈥檛 transmitting positive information.
Here鈥檚 an example:鈥淗i Ms. Smith, this is Principal Coleman from Abbott Elementary. How are you? I have some information about an incident today involving your child. They鈥檙e safe, and I wanted to give you the particulars of the incident.鈥
2. Relay the incident with nouns and verbs, not adjectives
Your goal is to objectively state what led up to the incident, where the incident took place, what you personally observed, and what the student is doing right now. Adjectives are subjective, which leads to misinterpretation and arguments. You want to get off the phone without giving the parent or guardian an opportunity to get into a back-and-forth with you or claim that you misunderstood or exaggerated their child鈥檚 behavior.
Words like disrespectful and disruptive are vague and don鈥檛 inform the parent or guardian of what the student actually did. Think of how to describe incidents only by using direct quotes and actions of the student, like 鈥淐ooper told the sub to shut up鈥 or 鈥淎va was playing videos on her phone when Ms. Howard was instructing.鈥
When you describe events without describing their child using negative adjectives, it cuts off opportunities for the parent or guardian to escalate by claiming you are attacking their child鈥檚 character.
3. Don鈥檛 ask the parent to 鈥榯alk to鈥 the student
When you ask a parent or guardian to talk to their student, you and the parent or guardian may take a completely different meaning from that simple request. You believe you鈥檙e just asking them to help reinforce school consequences and be part of the team to model good behavior for the student. However, in the parent or guardian鈥檚 mind, they believe you are implying that they don鈥檛 already talk to their child about behaving appropriately.
This will cause them to feel like you are judging their parenting. It is a given that a parent or guardian would speak to their child about a major incident involving them at school. Your only job is to let them know this happened.
4. Stay focused
There is only one purpose that can be effectively achieved when calling home, and that鈥檚 relaying information about the incident and informing the parent of the school consequences. Nothing more. This is not the time for an over-the-phone functional behavior assessment, an interview about their home life, or threats about removing them from a field trip if they keep this up. The parent or guardian may be in a state of shock and need time to pause and reflect. Overwhelming them with other tangents on the call will cause them to get flustered. Once you have accomplished your objective, wrap up the call.
5. Try to add one positive about the student on the call
The parent or guardian is having their day interrupted with one message: Your child did something bad. It鈥檚 important to let them know you believe that while this was not the student鈥檚 best choice today, you know they have the capability to do better. Reference a prior example of when the student did make a better choice, so the parent or guardian knows this is not the be-all and end-all on how you view their child. If you鈥檙e an administrator who doesn鈥檛 have a ton of prior interaction with the student, quickly ask their teacher for an example.
It doesn鈥檛 have to be something big. A simple 鈥淚 know this is really out of character for Aiden, because I know he makes good choices and follows directions in the cafeteria鈥 or 鈥淭his is inconsistent with how well Tyler treats his peers at recess鈥 will suffice.
6. End the call with a thank-you
The best way to wrap up these calls is with the following statement: 鈥淚 thought you would want to know this as soon as possible, and I really appreciate your taking my call.鈥 I have found that saying something positive catches the parent or guardian off guard and melts down defensiveness. It lets them know you don鈥檛 view them as an adversary but as a partner in educating their child. The parent or guardian will often follow up with a 鈥淣o, thank you for calling!鈥 It ends a negative interaction on a high note, which is what they will remember most.
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